you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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