You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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