does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
