I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
