I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
