found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
