Jerry, you need to find god
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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