Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
