I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
