make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
