Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
