I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You ruined the universe
Randomize
