I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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