people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
