I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
