Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
