There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
