what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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