that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
