i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
