Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
