i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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