Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
