considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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