would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
