i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When are your genitals available?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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