I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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