I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
