the condom got lost in my hair
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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