dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
