I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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