you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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