Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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