I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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