I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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