so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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