I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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