Please, let me fuck your mom
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I believe in your delicious
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
