My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
