After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
