its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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