My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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