I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
