this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
