I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
