i permit you to call me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
