His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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