There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
