You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
