planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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