Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
