from now on my penis is your penis
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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