i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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